i'm feeling good from my head to my shoes.

i'm beautiful.

i'm beautiful.

i'm beautiful, damnit.

the vagina monologues was presented this weekend at school. i had a bunch of friends in it and it was directed by one of my role models. i absolutely loved the show. i kind of went into it thinking "ew vaginas, this is going to make me vomit," but it was actually really funny and touching at the right moments. ha! touching. the vagina monologues. i crack myself up. which reminds me: there have been so many vag jokes because of this play. so funny.

i'm working on my directing application for next year. basically, i have a lot of writing and analyzing to do. the play is FAR AWAY by caryl churchill. the play is nuts. in a nutshell: politics. war. metaphors. crazy town, usa. i love plays like this, though, so picking it apart is exciting and interesting. i'm so gay for the abstract. the application is due on tuesday and i'm pretty sure it's going to rock. i have so many weird/awesome ideas for things to be put on a stage. all i ever want to do is create. thank god that's what i'm doing with my life, haha.

i'm doing okay, i think. i've been smoking less cigarettes, which is a great success. i've been drinking less, too. actually, that's not true. i've been drinking about the same amount as i normally do, but i've been smoking less. fifty percent better? i'm not sure. i still use the computer too much. i guess one of the things is that i've been too busy to sit around, so maybe that's why it feels like i've been on the computer less, but i really haven't. i had a tricky time with that one just now.

PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEMSELVES.

i'm kind of tired of having to clean up after the people who come into my apartment. i love my room mates and i love everyone who comes to my apartment on a regular basis, but if i didn't feel like i was babysitting 24/7 i would be so much more enjoyable to have around, i think. i try not to stay in my room all the time, but whenever i go into the living room, there are normally people scattered about with their own individual messes that will be left to be cleaned up by someone else. i try to drop hints and i try to avoid being a bitch, but i guess people can't catch a clue (-- i just accidently typed blue and laughed). it'd be nice to feel like i was around a bunch of responsible adults, but that's just not how it is.

i'm wondering when you get to the point in college when you're less like a child and more like an adult. i guess i struggle to see that in a lot of other people and not myself as much. i am always the first person to admit that i'm wrong and i am also very good at knowing when i've done something wrong. i think my morals are pretty much in tact in all the right places. but having fun with your life doesn't mean you're immature, it means you know how to have fun, right?

i found out that a girl that came into the theatre department as a freshman like i did just popped out a baby. isn't that crazy. i was working on a play with that girl just two and a half years ago and, since losing touch for a while, now she's got a baby! holy smokes. i can't imagine being responsible for a child at, what, 21? i look around at some of the people i see every day in class and i can't imagine those people being responsible for a child either. however, many of those people are barely able to manage their own lives, much less another one. but let me tell you this: when the day comes that i feel i am emotionally and financially able to have a kid, i'm going to have one. i'm not sure how yet (i mean, i understand the obvious stipulations of course) but it's going to happen somehow.

i guess i should probably find someone to have a baby with, then, hmm? cathleen and i would make a pretty baby. maybe i'll ask her to make me a baby. she loves me enough.

whoa, when did it get to be past 1 am. i need to go to bed. all i want is a glass of milk and a cookie. and a baby. damnit.