i'm too attached to my computer. no person should be on their computer as much as i am. but what do i do? i listen to music and refresh my Facebook page a thousand times in a row. unhealthy. i'm a freak. my friend andrew deactivated his Facebook account because he felt like he was on there too much. maybe that's something i should think about. i mean, why do i use it? i like to keep in touch with people and see what's going on with other people's lives. i'm obsessed with connection, i think. or, maybe i'm just nosy. i wonder if i could spend a week without being on the computer. do i care enough about this attachment to detach myself, though? i never read anymore, unless it's online or i have to do it for class. i never read for fun anymore and that's something that used to be so important to me. i used to go through so many books in a week and what do i do now? wow, embarrassing.
i don't understand the whole philosophy of being really secretive - especially from your friends. like, what is that? shouldn't we be sharing our life experiences and world views? lately, i've felt like people are keeping things from me. things that they tell other people, but not me. why is that? i know i have a big mouth, but i'm also a good friend. wait, i am a good friend, right? i wonder if i actually believe that. i hate being left out and i hate feeling like there's a reason for it. am i so disillusioned to believe that everyone wants to let me know everything or am i optimistic? there's such a thin line between the two. i pray for the latter.
or, maybe i'm just giving it all away. maybe i should learn to keep things to myself more often. is keeping secrets from everyone else healthy? are there things in our own worlds that need to be kept in one place? god, i ask so many questions. i wish i could be sure of something for once.
i'm so down on myself lately. i feel like i'm useless, dumb and untalented. i'm tired of feeling sorry for myself all the time. but how do you go about fixing that? i wish i could just put a huge band-aid on my life and wait for it to heal. wouldn't that be so cool? to be able to just have all of the problems in our lives eliminated in such an easy fashion. but that's too easy and nothing comes that easy in life, right? isn't that what we're always told by everyone around us? suck it up, kid. make things work for yourself. turn that frown upside down.
i need to get over myself and smile a bit, pussy cat. i'm gonna go snuggle with sam and laugh like little kids...and tomorrow i'll get everything i need to get done finished.
thank god there's always a tomorrow to look forward to. if for no other reason than for it to have the potential to be better than the day previous.
Thank you for sharing your blog with me. You know...if that is what you meant to do...but anywho, I want to start by saying that you are not useless, dumb or untalented. I always think, "I am not useless because I can always serve as a bad example!" (grin) But I digress...or do I? See I am nearly as random as you are....MY GOAL IS TO BE AS RANDOM AS DEEJAY! HE HE
ReplyDeleteI do know how you feel about feeling left out. At one time, I thought everyone wanted to tell me stuff and get my opinion but...not so much anymore. I mean crap...do YOU even want my opinion? Tough, you're getting it anyway! I am also a big mouth and oftentimes tell people exactly what I think about their idea, their attitude, their behavior, their socks, but hey that is me. Love me or leave me!
Overall, this school year has been a rough one for me. A lot has happened in my personal life, and school is just SO different with Bennett and Parker gone! Some days I want to just chuck it all in and move back to PA with my family, but then I remember, "Oh yea..I have a JOB and some people dont even have that luxury in this economy." So I am forced to stay until I can find something there. It sucks but such is life, ya know?
I love my friends and my Facebook (because some of my friends live in it!) and know that some days are worse than others. Unfortunately, I have had several pile up on me in past few weeks. So what do I do? I muddle through to the next day and hope it is better. If not, there is always another day.
I didnt used to be like this. There was a time when I was so negative, I would just wait for the next shoe to drop...(I am almost cliched out here but hold on..) I have been swimming in that pool a bit too much lately, so I need to hop out, dry off, eat some brownies and move on.
Not sure how much I helped you here but damn if I dont feel better :)
haha well, i'm glad. between the two of us, we're sure to feel better tomorrow haha. :)
ReplyDelete